Intoxicating
by Kat271
Summary: After Crossings--JI, SV, lil Sark, lil Weiss. We got love, hate, evil, good, truth, and as usual the Prophesy! This one should be good, Read and tell me what you think! Thnaks
1. Default Chapter

It wasn't just that she was beautiful; she was, as was once so aptly put, intoxicating. Her name had changed, her demeanor just enough, but it was her eyes that always remained the same. Irina had always had trouble with them. It seemed quite ironic that her breathtakingly piercing eyes, were the one thing she couldn't seem to hide, though she wanted to desperately. Whatever alias she assumed, whatever lie she lived, the spirit in her eyes was undeniable, and almost impossible to disguise.  
  
It was her eyes that he'd first seen. Piercing brown eyes, searching for something. She saw him, and stared for a moment before averting her gaze. She blushed slightly at Jack's continued stare. It took him a moment to shake his trance. She looked up at him again, discreetly, still smiling sweetly. She looked away quickly, embarrassed. Jack took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He watched her for a few moments longer. Her brown hair skirted her shoulders beautifully. Her walk was confident, but not over imposing. Her seductively innocent smile sent a chill through his body.  
  
This, of course, had all been planned. It wasn't an accident that she'd just so happened to be buying a paper when he was. Or that they "ran into each other" often enough for Jack to ask her out.  
  
Jack sat up suddenly and rubbed his eyes. The TV was silently flashing images on the screen, casting a strange array of light into the small living room. As his eyes adjusted Jack glanced to the clock, realizing how long he'd been lying there. The 11 o'clock news had become a habit over the year. Though he despised the flakey anchors, and truly didn't care what was happing in the godforsaken city of LA, he found that the news acted as a sedative, and created a routine to fall asleep to. Hell, there had to be something normal in his life, nothing else was.  
  
The fuzzy memory of his dream quickly came back to him as he turned off the TV. Her eyes, her smile, their first encounter, their first date. Jack rubbed his eyes again trying to physically wipe the images away. He looked down at the nights carnage spread out on the coffee table. Three empty Chinese food boxes, a few beers, and several untouched case files. Tonight had been different. Most nights he would have spent pouring over his current cases, instead he'd forgone all of that, and poured himself a cold one, or four.  
  
Tossing the empties in the garbage, Jack hit the lights and made his way into the bedroom of his three room apartment. He often pondered why he had opted for the three bedrooms, over a simple one bedroom. Maybe there was part of them that hoped that one day there would be people to fill the rooms. At the moment that proposition seemed beyond doubtful.  
  
The lights flicked on in his spacious bedroom. Sparsely decorated but homey for a bachelor. The vaulted ceiling and array of windows gave a very metropolitan feel to the room, and the specific choice art screamed Jack Bristow. It wasn't long before the lights were out once again, and Jack lay in bed, trying desperately to focus on that very pricy art, instead of her.  
  
She was always on his mind. It was just that this day held much more meaning, than any ordinary other. He'd gone over, and over it in his mind, countless times. The deception, his naivety. At one point he'd had to even forgive himself. It wasn't that he was self-deprecating. It was just that she was so good at what she did. There was no possible way that Jack could have seen it coming. So he'd gone on. Shifting all of the guilt and blame he held inside himself, on to her. It was her fault, it was her mistake.  
  
And he knew she knew it. He had gained an understanding of her guilt. He couldn't say he sympathized. But he could help but empathize. For so many years he had blamed himself for letting her deceive him, for allowing all of it to happen. He should have seen it coming. But it took a very long time before he realized that she was simply a master of deception, the best, bar none. He knew what it was like to feel the guilt of the matter. He had lived with his own blame, with his own anguish. It shocked him instantly, the moment he saw that same anguish in her.  
  
It was yet another thing he hadn't seen coming. He barely believed it, but it was there. The same guilt, same all punishing sorrow. And for a reason that was completely beyond him, he felt connected to it. As if some part of him, without his knowing, had acknowledged that Irina Derevko was suffering exactly as he was.  
  
But it was so different, when thought through logically. If Irina was a master at deception, than Jack was a master of logic; and this 'empathy' wasn't logical. If it was anything it was irrational, stupid at best. The whole reason for his pain, the bane of his existence was this woman. She'd destroyed his life, his daughter's life, and the lives of countless families throughout the world. She deceived, killed, stolen, and worst of all betrayed. She was the enemy; and it killed him that he loved her so. 


	2. 2

Tonight was one of the few nights that Jack Bristow slept soundly. He had learned though years of training, and life experience, to sleep with one ear, and one eye open. The alcohol had left his system long hours before, but he still slept with the peace of intoxication. It may not have been alcohol, but he was certainly under an influence.  
  
She strode toward him eyes alert, hair pulled back. Her striking eyes always searching, observing. Her graceful movements had always impressed him, seduced him. She wore black, she knew she looked better in green, at least Jack had always told her that. She smiled at him letting her guard down upon seeing his face. The change in her was always remarkable, her soften features and calmness. He had that affect on her, he always had. It was never hard to let her guard down around Jack, keeping it up was another issue.  
  
She has never truly deceived Jack completely. Her easy manner, and laughter in his arms were never fake. In fact, more moments of truth passed between them than moments of deception. She couldn't fake the love in her eyes, or the way her body betrayed her to him. She couldn't pretend to not revel waking in his arms every morning, or watching him play with their daughter. Some things are impossible to hold in pretense.  
  
This was one thing Jack had learned the hard way. It was as if believing that Irina was a fraud every moment of their life together, was easier; and it was. He was wise now to the proposition of her truths. He was finally in a place where he could accept what her eyes could not hide, what her words would not reveal. She had loved him. He hated her for it.  
  
It was the small reading lamp by his bed, being turned on that awoke him. Not even her gentle weight sitting next to him, or her immediate proximity had stirred him. But the lamp, just so happened to tick very loudly when turned. Jack knew the tick well, as did Iirna; lamp had been by his bed for almost thirty years. Oh, the stories it could tell.  
  
His eyes popped open instantly, he dared not to move a muscle. He could now feel her beside him. Their eyes met slowly. She was cautious, reverent, fearful even. She smiled a fleeting and weak half smile, but did not say a word. He sat up carefully, not disturbing the place where she sat. She stared at the old lamp, but her mind was far elsewhere, it was obvious by her expression. Jack watched her for a moment before he spoke.  
  
"Irina what's wrong?" He said calmly, keeping his tone even, his words with only hints of worry. She turned her head to face him. She had a strange bewildered look upon her face. She was clearly not herself; something Jack had never seen, and for that matter, never, ever expected to see.  
  
"Jack." Her voice was barely a whisper, barely recognizable to even herself. She just looked at him. Physically working to hold back the tears. There were very few times in her life that she had been unable to control her body with her mind. Somehow it seemed that each and every time it happened, she was in the presence of Jack Bristow.  
  
"Irina." Jack said again. She couldn't explain the feeling that occurred inside of her, when he said her birth name. Leaning forward slightly he placed a hand on her shoulder. Thoughts were flashing though his head; of Sydney~ Was something wrong, was she in danger?  
  
"Jack I'm sorry." She blurted out, without realizing what was happening. Tears spilled from her eyes without permission. Her unexpected words sending her crashing over the edge.  
  
Jack watched her for a moment as she began to cry. His own eyes filled with wonderment, and confusion.  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't understand." Jack said calmly reaching out with his other hand and wiping a tear from her cheek.  
  
"I'm just sorry Jack." She cried quietly. Her words seemed to betray her faster than she could contain them. She hadn't meant to come her for this. She hadn't meant to come here at all. But for once in her life Irina Derevko had no where to go. But as always, there was only one place she wanted to be.  
  
"Irina." Jack said softly, his tone firming. He took a deep breath and pulled her into his arms. He had no other choice. As sickly twisted as their relationship was, they both still loved one another. Between them there was sort of an unwritten pact. They never talked about it. They never apologized for their action. Never explained.  
  
But for the first time in his life, Jack witness Irina cry. Not tears of physical pain, happiness; anger, or loss. She was crying out for help. The thought almost brought tears to Jack's eyes. There was only one place where either of them could find any peace. They were each other's solace, in a world that had taken everything they had, and then asked for more. They shared a common redemption in their daughter, Sydney. But they shared so much more in the atonement they shared in one another. 


	3. 3

It was a long time before either of them dared to speak, to move. Irina hated herself for showing such weakness to Jack. Jack was simply and utterly confused by the whole situation. Irina sighed, Jack already knew her weaknesses, hell he was one of them. She didn't need to hide, not with him, not anymore.  
  
She turned shoulders and lifter her head. Looking into his eyes, she sighed. She moved to speak, but she could not find the words, and words to say.  
  
"I know." Jack said softly as he reached up to wipe the left over tears from her face.  
  
"How Jack? How do you know what I am feeling? How do you know that what I have done in my life, has left me dead inside? How is it that you know this?" Her whispered accusations, were actually filled with more wonderment than skepticism. She already knew that he understood. After all she had put him through, he somehow felt what she was feeling. She had no way to understand that.  
  
Jack drew a long deep breath, composing himself. "Irina, our lives have been casualties of circumstance. We have always shared that." His tone was gentle, but his words echoed pain.  
  
"Mine was a choice, Jack." Irina breathed.  
  
"After all that we have shared, do you really think that that choice was something we didn't share in?" Jack replied quickly.  
  
"Jack." Irina whispered, closing her eyes to keep the tears from revealing themselves again.  
  
Jack ran his hand through her hair. "Not tonight." He whispered before placing a soft kiss on her lips.  
  
Irina softly cried his name countless more times as he kissed her neck. He removed her black top, and kissed her shoulders. As he looked up to kiss her mouth again, he noticed the tears running down her cheeks. He didn't say a word but carefully kissed away every tear, causing Irina to smile, and laugh a little. Jack smiled too, reveling in her beauty.  
  
"Jack." She sighed, still smiling. She shook her head slightly not sure what to say.  
  
"Yes." He laughed kissing her lips.  
  
"Today is our anniversary." She smiled, this time with more caution.  
  
"I know" he said the smile slowly fading from his face. He slowly lifted the covers of the bed and pulled her under with him.  
  
"Do you remember our first meeting?" She said softly. He craned his neck to look down at where she lay next to him, her head resting on his chest. "Like it was yesterday." He breathed.  
  
Irina giggled softly, innocently. "I remember thinking that you were much too handsome, for me too pull this all off." She whispered, truth echoing in her naivety.  
  
"I remember thinking that I could lose myself forever in your eyes." Jack sighed.  
  
"That was never a lie Jack." She whispered almost inaudibly.  
  
"And it still isn't." He smiled kissing the top of her head.  
  
The morning came quickly, bringing with it a magnificent sunrise. Jack watched the purple brilliance streak across the sky, while pink and orange swirls danced with the rising sun. Irina slept peacefully in his arms. Her soft breathing echoing his own. He was so content to just lie there with her. His eyes scanned the length of her body, gracefully intertwined with his own. Her hand gently resting on his chest, one leg protectively thrown over, one of his own.  
  
It had been a long time since they'd slept like this, through the night. On most occasions they were awake before dawn hurrying to work, or hiding their covert rendezvous. Jack still had very little idea of why Irina was sleeping in his arms. She had been too shaken the night before to question her about intent. Why had she come to him? What had shaken her so intensely? He was curious to know, but not worried; she would have told him if something was of great importance.  
  
Content to lie there forever, Jack begrudgingly maneuvered himself out of the bed, working not to disturb his sleeping beauty. He quickly showered and made a small breakfast for the two of them. He arranged a tray of coffee, eggs and toast; a small flower for decoration, and one packet of sugar for Irina. He was almost through with his mission when at knock came at the door. Puzzled at who would be calling so early, he set down the tray in the living room, and retrieved his gun.  
  
Stowing the pistol carefully in the back of his pants, Jack went to the door and checked the peep hole. Relaxing immediately Jack opened the door and let Sydney in.  
  
"Good morning sweat heart." He smiled.  
  
"Hi dad." She said wrapping him in a hug.  
  
"To what do I own this pleasure, so early in the morning." Jack smiled closing the door behind her.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about mom." She said softly sitting down on the living room couch. "I was thinking about her last night, and wanted to catch you before work." She said uneasily.  
  
"What were you thinking?" Jack said taking a seat opposite her on the easy chair.  
  
"I remembered the last time I saw her, jumping off the building in Mexico City." She took a deep breath, and Jack glanced quickly at the corridor which led to his room, wondering if Sydney's mother still slept. "And I was thinking about how I have been back now for four months, and I haven't heard anything from her. I know that four months isn't a long amount of time. But I really would like to talk to her."  
  
Jack paused a moment before speaking. "Sydney, your mother and I worked together extensively in the first year of your disappearance. She was, in fact, the reason that I was placed in solitary confinement, as a traitor to the US." Jack paused watching Sydney's eyes fall upon the tray on the coffee table, containing breakfast for two. "As you know your mother works in very mysterious ways."  
  
"Yeah but Dad, why hasn't she contacted me? Is she working with The Covenant, did she know what they had planned for me?" Sydney was visibly trying to hold back tears. "Was she a part of all this?"  
  
"Sydney, it took me a long time to accept this. But your mother would never to anything to hurt you." Jack had more to say but stopped when Sydney seemed to put together what the breakfast tray really meant.  
  
"Is someone else here?" She said suddenly.  
  
"Sydney.." Jack started but was interrupted again as Sydney stood suddenly.  
  
"I didn't realize. I'm sorry, I'll go." She said picking up her coat and striding toward the door.  
  
"Sydney, it's not." Jack said starting after her.  
  
"No Dad, I shouldn't have come here. You should have told me, we can talk about this later." She pulled the door open. "I'll see you at work." She said, about to step through.  
  
"Sydney." Irina's voice rang out through the air. Sydney stopped in her tracks and turned. 


	4. 4

"Mom?" She said turning to see her mother walking toward her.  
  
"Sydney, I am so happy to see you. You look so well." Irina said embracing her daughter tightly.  
  
"Mom, I." Sydney said, not really sure what it was she wanted to say.  
  
Jack closed the door behind them and then walked toward the kitchen.  
  
"I heard about your travels in North Korea." Irina smiled, leading Sydney to a place on the couch.  
  
"Dad said that you helped find us." Sydney said wiping a tear from her eye.  
  
"Your father contacted me when your plane went down, and I directed him to a contact who could help you." Irina said, looking at her daughter, and pushing a stray hair back behind her ear. Sydney smiled weakly, thinking back to her near-death experience.  
  
"Coffee Sydney?" Jack asked, as he came out of the kitchen carrying a mug filled for her.  
  
"Thanks," Sydney said receiving the cup, and wrapping both of her hands around its warmth. She looked around, acknowledging the awkwardness of the situation. The three sat in silence for a moment.  
  
"Sydney, your father told me that you recovered the truth regarding your missing years." Irina said softly.  
  
Sydney looked up at her mother. "It was so strange, to see myself like that. I went through a lot and I don't even remember." She said softly, returning her gaze to her coffee.  
  
"Some things are better forgotten." Irina said placing her hand on Sydney's. At this all three of them seemed to contemplate her words deeply. Irina knew that her next words would be painful for Sydney, but she spoke them anyway. "And Mr. Vaughn?"  
  
Sydney gave her mother a quick look of pained surprise. "What about him?" She said, pulling her legs up under her. Irina simply watched her, waiting for a real response.  
  
"Sydney," Irina started.  
  
"He's a married man. He loves his wife, and she's a good person." Sydney said quietly, looking away. "I am moving on with my life."  
  
Her words caused Irina to look at Jack quizzically. He simple shrugged slightly, and looked back to Sydney.  
  
"I'm sorry Sydney." Irina said reaching out to touch her head. Sydney looked to her mother, tears filled her eyes. Irina took the cup from Sydney's hands, set it down, and pulled Sydney into a tight embrace. She quickly glanced to Jack, telling him to go. And he did, leaving Sydney crying in her mother's arms. "I know you loved him." Irina whispered into her daughter's hair.  
  
"I did." Sydney cried quietly. "I want so much to hate him for moving on, but I can't. I died, he's right. And Lauren is a good person, and they're happy; and He's happy." She bawled. "But we were in North Korea, we thought. and he said. I still love him and there is nothing I can do. I told him I was moving on, but.after what he said to me, I'm not sure I can." Sydney broke down into sobs in her mother's arms.  
  
After a moment Sydney pulled herself together and sat up. She dried her eyes, though her tears had left steaks of mascara down her face. "I'm sorry, I haven't had anyone to talk to since I came back." She smiled weakly, letting one last tear roll down her cheek.  
  
Irina reached up to wipe it away. "I am happy to listen." She smiled. "Sydney," she paused, waiting for Sydney's eyes to meet hers. "Sweetheart, I cannot tell you how sorry I am, that I haven't been able to be here for you. There are so many things beyond my control." Irina sighed looking into her daughter's eyes.  
  
It would have been easy to let everything she was feeling out right there. But the things Irina had inside her, were not for Sydney's ears. Irina had learned, through circumstance and pain, that keeping her secrets, and feelings inside was always best; even though she thought she might burst.  
  
"Did you know?" Sydney said meekly, disturbing Irina's thoughts.  
  
"Did I know about The Covenant, that they would take you?" Irina paused looking straight into her daughter's eyes. "No Sydney. I know of The Covenant, I know their ways. I would never had let them find you if I had known their plans." Sydney nodded in acknowledgement.  
  
"You worked with Dad. Did you know that I was alive, I mean as Julia Thorne?" Sydney questioned, picking up her coffee again.  
  
"I became aware that you were alive as your father did. The video tape surveillance from Lazarey's office, confirmed our suspicions. Unfortunately your father was discovered to be working with me, and arrested as a traitor. I feel very responsible for that."  
  
Irina paused at Jack's entrance into the room. He smiled at the two of them sitting on the couch.  
  
"Am I interrupting?"  
  
"Not at all Jack, we were just discussing you."  
  
"I'm flattered." He started toward the couch and sat down behind Irina.  
  
"Sydney, was your mother able to answer your questions?" Jack said, reaching for a piece of cold toast off of the abandoned breakfast tray.  
  
Sydney shook her head, and smiled. "She did. But I do have one more question. How often does Mom stay here with you?" Sydney smiled knowingly. Both Irina and Jack looked surprised, and guilty, like teenagers caught by their parents. Sydney laughed out loud at their expressions. But not wanting to embarrass them further, stood up and picked up her coat.  
  
"Sydney," Jack started off in his usual stock, CIA Agent, tone. Irina could tell right off that he was going to make a mess of things. Irina stood, and smiled at her daughter.  
  
"Does my staying here bother you?" She said coyly.  
  
Sydney smiled, and shook her head. "Not at all. But let me know when you're here, I'd like to see you."  
  
"I would like that very much." Irina smiled, and than hugged her daughter tightly. 


End file.
